THE PUZZLING CASE OF MR. FLATFACE

It’s been four days since we arrived here in Old Blighty, and today is the first day that I have had the time or the energy to put my fingers on the keys.  I do like to tell stories.  What I like the most is to tell stories about my travels and some of the characters that seem to find their way into a position where I can observe their antics. This trip is so far no different.  

The first character of this trip appeared when I received a very tasty Empress Gin & Tonic in the Vancouver Airport Fairmont Hotel lounge. The lounge where I speak is a special place and a perfect oasis in an otherwise hectic and stressful international hub. I can simply describe the man as being in his early 60s. He had a receding hairline, very pale skin, and glasses with frames that would have been contemporary in the 1970s.  

The man’s most unique feature was, of course, his face.  So flat indeed that he could have taken a bite out of any of the walls surrounding us, they have unfortunate features and are just a little weird to boot. This man seemed to be lost.  He seemed to be overwhelmed.  He wore a simple smile that suggested he was perplexed.  The man stood near the bar for a while and then inexplicably began to spin like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. We were waiting for the waitress to inquire if he was alright or if she could help him.  

Just as she was about to do so, Mr. Flatface stopped and focused on her attention.  It turned out he was OK'ish. He told the waitress that he was enjoying some time on his own as his wife was several minutes behind him.  Please make what you want of Mr. Flatface's statement, but I sensed he wasn’t thrilled with Mrs. Flatface and that any alone time he scrounged was precious and to be enjoyed in any way he saw fit.

And then, if by magic, Mrs. Flatface arrived on the scene.  Mrs. Flatface dragged numerous bags and had a scowl that could stop a clock.  If you are ever in doubt of the definition of evil, don’t bother with the Oxford English Dictionary.  Just consider Mrs. Flatface.  Mr. Flatface, at that point, noticed his betrothed had arrived. Mr. Flatface took a seat beside her and promptly changed his happy-go-lucky outlook to a significantly more forlorn expression of “just shoot me now”.

Perhaps we will revisit the Flatfaces a little later.  Thirty minutes on & we hopped aboard BA flight 84.  It took us nine and a half hours to arrive at London Heathrow, and with a quick connection, we were soon in Newcastle Upon Tyne in the Northeast of England.  Our rental car was a winner, and we drove from the airport in style to our accommodation for the next 3 days. The following morning, we drove the narrow country roads of Northumberland and Scottish Borders with no real destination but a sixth sense for the finer country pubs en route.  

We had some fantastic beer and beautiful meals to accompany them.  Having the opportunity to visit Flodden Field a little later was amazing. The site of one of the biggest battles ever to take place on British soil happened in 1513 on this field and saw the King of Scotland lose his life in battle.  The last time any British monarch lost a life in combat.  We made our way from the countryside inland to the beaches and castles of the Northeast coast.  

Bamburgh Castle stood proud. Next on the agenda was to meet old friends for dinner at a pub near Whitley Bay. It is a modern pub with classic grub—a couple of pints of real ale and some excellent conversation. We then followed our noses into the city centre of Newcastle and walked the quayside into the early hours.  There was no rain and a sky full of stars with very few clouds. The city is clean and tidy and impressive as a result. We travelled across the country and towards the West Coast the following morning.  

We visited Heavenfield Church.  Heavenfield is aptly named as it is a little slice of you know what.  I wont tell you how to get there as it is mine all mine. From there, we stopped in Corbridge, Hexham, and then finished our day in Keswick, the town hub for Lake District walkers, hikers, and climbers.  Our stay at the Royal Oak was great, but the full Cumbrian breakfast was unreal.  We were up early this morning and made the most of our travels, visiting some of the prettiest places on Earth.  Several more stops at top-class pubs provided further sustenance. You can find me in our room at a hotel airport in Manchester.  Tomorrow morning starts very early as we leave England behind and fly east to Budapest—my first time in Hungary.  I can’t wait, it should be fantastic.

Cheers!!!

Mark